No fucks given.
Went on a double date with my sister and her boyfriend last night. Had a lovely time.
Go figure that as soon as I get the balls to run off to Europe I find my one reason to stay. I always knew that the only thing that would potentially make this trip not happen was if I was dating someone. Still planning on going… Just planning on missing someone a little extra. I leave for my 2 week road trip on Tuesday. We will see how that goes.
Happy happy happy :)
I was literally too sad to go. I left the rig and barely made it to my car before I was in tears. 8 hours later and it hasn’t stopped. Around hour 3 I think I figured out the source of my sadness. Sure, missing a boy / wanting one that you will probably never have sucks… But this is so much more than that.
This is me feeling like a total and complete failure. This is about graduation. Mine and my sister’s. This is about life. This is about shattered dreams. I will be graduating without honors from a school that is so far beneath me 6 years after high school. I have never felt like such a disappointment in my entire life. I am not proud of myself for graduating. I am not looking forward to it. All it marks is the day that I am recognized as becoming nothing close to what I should have been.
I’m not entirely sure what to even call my emotions or what to do about them. I have never hated myself so much. I have never felt this depressed and hopeless. Where do I go from here? How do I make it out alive?
I was wrong. Disappointing yourself hurts way worse.